ReNe: 3.75 months -- regarding playtime

This is quite challenging -- what to do with Ryan when he's not sleeping or eating. At this stage he still loves to look at things more than anything else, and while he was satisfied with our drab apartment in his first couple of months, he quickly got bored of it. In other words, he wants to look at new things but he still not in the stage where he wants to sit down and grab stuff (much). He is starting to, though...

Now that the weather is still pleasant, I try to bring him out almost everyday, whether it's down to the drop-in center in our building or a quick walk to the supermarket nearby to buy groceries. We go to the park sometimes, and occasionally, a further trip downtown. He loves going out now; strapping him into his carrier or stroller evokes an almost Pavlov-like reaction and he gets this happy, expectant look on his face, arms windmilling. If he was fussing before, strapping him into his carrier or stroller practically guarantees he will shut up. Sometimes we take a little too long in leaving the apartment, and he will start fussing again until the exact second we exit the door.

As mentioned, there is a drop-in center in our building and it's great. It's a large room with toys and books where parents with babies and toddlers can drop by on weekday mornings. As it's within the same building, I often bring Ryan down for a short while, then up for a quick nap, and then back down again for another hour before the center closes. He's still not too interested in the toys but he loves to look at the other babies. It's also a great place for me to meet other moms and socialize. As we're in a foreign country, one of my biggest worries for Ryan was the potential lack of socialization -- I need not have worried. There are many families with children in the university family housing, where we stay, and already we regularly meet three other babies (and moms) who all were born within a month apart at the center. Plus, the large library of play resources available means we don't have to buy him so many toys. Best of all, it's completely free.

We are also of the opinion that he should learn to play by himself -- it's a tricky balance between paying attention to his needs and wants, and yet not being his sole source of entertainment.; not neglecting him and yet carefully ignoring him at certain times so he can explore by himself. We have noticed that he tends to start the day in a very good mood and gets more testy as the day progresses; for example, when he first wakes up in the morning, I can generally leave him by himself in his chair as I make breakfast, and he's fine simply observing me for up to an hour. However, by the evening, he will not even sit down in his chair for two minutes before kicking up a fuss.

His chair...
(The chair was given by a friend, and so was the toy block, which was one of a large set. So far, we have only bought him a total of two toys.)

When we started putting him in this chair a couple of weeks ago, he wasn't quite able to hold himself upright yet and would slump against the back. Lately he is starting to sit more upright, leaning forward from the back (of the chair). Also, while we've been placing toys in front of him for a while, it was only very recently that he started to reach for them. Typically, his method of exploration goes like this: examine first with eyes, then mouth. Repeat until bored.

At the Harbourfront

At the Harbourfront, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

The Toronto harbourfront is quite beautiful, and amazing in the sense that for us who have had little prior experience with lakes, looking out onto Lake Ontario looks more like looking out into an ocean. In terms of the built up landscape, certainly VivoCity Singapore has a better thought out infrastructure and amenities. But then, VivoCity also is too caught up in the grips of the consumerist machine for my taste - it's like a huge, monopolising behemoth focussed on taking your money. Toronto's harbourfront, in contrast, is more like a warren of separate businesses, huddled together in the same place, and revelling in the frequent arts, music and just-for-fun festivals that take place year round. People go to the Toronto waterfront for more than just to deliver money to the local tenuously-linked-to-the-government business. They celebrate the seasons, cultural diversity (and a real one, I must add, not state held rigid boundaries like C/I/M/O (wtf is up with 'O'?)), actually sail boats, and thoroughly enjoy themselves.

Anyway, enough soapboxing. This photo was taken at Toronto's harbourfront, and I like it. Do you? :)

mother & son

mother & son, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Ryan loves his walks. Or rather, loves the times he is taken out of the apartment and carried while we walk. He loves it so much that sometimes, he gets quite flustered and fussy if he does not get out. Like today; Serene brought him out, and met me downstairs after I ran an errand. We decided to go slightly further with him, but after I put down some stuff I was carrying. We went back up to the apartment, and as soon as he realised that his walk had been shortened, he started to throw a tantrum until we got his stroller out the door, at which point he magically quietened down, and almost put on a grin on his face. That's how we know he likes going out very much.

I wonder how he'd like going out when it is -20ºC in winter.

ReNe: 3.5 months -- regarding sleep

As Mike mentioned in the last post, we've been trying to work on Ryan's sleep. He sleeps very well at night. We put him to bed around 7+. I would feed him a couple of times through the night, during which he suckles automatically and goes back to sleep right after, and sleeps all the way through until 7am the next day. However, his day naps were not as good, though we figured we shouldn't worry too much because at least he gets a good night's rest.

Then a couple of weeks ago, he started sleeping less and less during the day, until he was only managing 30min naps. And getting quite cranky. Plus, there was a lot of work on our part to actually get him to sleep (rocking, jiggling, singing, sling, etc.) We even though about buying a c-clamp and rigging up some hammock-like arrangement with the sling, yet we sort of knew all these weren't the answer. He'd outgrow the sling quite soon and plus, are we prepared to do all these for the next few years??

I came across mentions of this book 'Baby Whisperer' by Tracy Hogg online; read excerpts and browsed the forums. We tried out the EASY routine she recommends when Ryan was about 4 weeks old and it worked pretty well, only it started to break down when he was about 3 months. At this point, I decided to buy and read the book, instead of reading snippets here and there online. (It turned out the reason our routine wasn't working was because it was suggested for a baby younger than 3 months; older babies would feed less and stay up for longer, necessitating a different routine.) She has very solid, practical advice. For example, she says to "start as you mean to go on"; so if we don't plan to rock Ryan to sleep for the next few years, or continue the use of 'props' (Tracy Hogg's term) such as the sling, we should stop it right now.

So we've been trying out the advice in the book, and so far it's been going along pretty well. Our aim is to teach Ryan to sleep on his own, in his crib. That means no, or minimal, use of 'props' such as ourselves (jiggling, etc.). Also, we want him to take longer naps during the day, and that means he needs to know how to self-soothe and go back to sleep on his own when he wakes up after a sleep cycle.

Initially he would throw a huge tantrum whenever we put him down for his naps and he would take over 20mins, even up to 40mins, of pick-up/put-down (PU/PD) to settle down. I think he passed out more from exhaustion than sleepiness. But we kept at it and fortunately, at about 3.5 months old, Ryan's still not too set in his ways. After a few days, Ryan's now able to sleep mostly on his own. We keep a careful eye on the clock, make sure that some time before his expected nap time we start to wind down his activities and give him a chance to calm down. Then when he starts to display signs of sleepiness, we put him down in his crib and pat his back for a few minutes. Sometimes he kicks up a fuss, but generally he's out in about 5-10mins. Sometimes we'd give him his soft toy to gum on (or maul), mostly we would swaddle him. Most of the time now, we don't even have to do the PU/PD. Soon, I hope we won't even have to pat his back. We couldn't quite figure out how to extend his naps though, but strangely, he has started to nap up to 2 hours today. I don't know what it was we did exactly to enable that, but we're cautiously hoping he would continue this good trend.

In a sling

In a sling, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Ryan's 15 weeks old this week, and at any stage of his life, he changes quite rapidly. Even though it felt like such a long time ago, it was barely 2 months ago when he could barely keep himself awake for more than 30 minute stretches, and his neck muscles were non-existent.

Right now, he sleeps fairly well, at night at least, from about 8pm to 7am the next day, waking up to feed once at 3am till about late last week, when we decided to cut out that feed. It was less traumatic than expected, and he adapted within 3 days, this morning surprising us by not even waking up for the 5am feed.

We've also been training him to fall asleep on his own, instead of us having to rock, jiggle, cuddle, or otherwise actively intervene in his falling asleep. In this picture, is our misguided attempt at getting him to fall asleep in the sling. It works, sure, but unless we were willing to use the sling until he is much older, we needed to teach him how to fall asleep on his own in his own crib, which we would have to do later anyway because he would soon outgrow the sling.

As I was saying, he has no difficulty falling and remaining asleep at night, he resists napping in the day, and wakes up 40-45 minutes into the nap, reliably (sleep cycle is 40-45 minutes in length), and then decides, quite angrily, that enough is enough, somebody better get him out of this silly crib or else... And he fusses and cries, till he is picked up, and then within seconds after he is picked up, he often can be seen smiling or cooing.

Which makes us wonder - is he so active and curious about what's happening around him that he absolutely detests falling asleep? He's so alert and easily bored that in the evenings, he gets fussy unless we bring him out for a stroll. And other parents we meet at the playgroup all remark that he is so alert, responsive and curious, always tracking the strangers and often cooing and seducing the women with his cuteness (men usually don't have the patience to coo to babies, and it would be totally weird for a male stranger to come cooing to a baby, actually).

So, to summarise; he's sleeping well, at night, and we wish he could nap longer, at least once or twice of his 3-4 daily naps. He is still terrified of baths, but that's the subject of another post.

Oh, and of course, enjoy the cute picture.

Swollen

Swollen, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

On Saturday evening, walking back from grocery shopping, I walked past a planter bed, when I suddenly felt something very painful at my left ankle, the front part which folds when the foot flexes (there's gotta be a better name than this, but I am not aware of it).

Initially, I thought it was some sort of ant, and from the pain, probably a large one. I bent over, to try to pick off the ant, and when I did, I found myself pulling off an insect with yellow shell. That was when I realised that I had been stung by a yellow jacket...

Besides a mild itch, Saturday night and Sunday morning was fine, enough that I decided to take a walk on Sunday afternoon, to see the Pedestrian Sundays at Kensington Market - that's when they close the roads off to vehicular traffic and hold street performances and celebrations at Kensington Market; this one in commemoration of the 2003 blackout which affected the Eastern Seaboard.

Coming home, my shoe felt distinctly tighter, and by Monday morning, the foot had swollen to the extent in the picture.

Walked to the hospital, waited 3 hours to see the doctor for 5 minutes, who proclaimed that it was unlikely to be infected because I had no fever, and that there was no pain at the site of the sting. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics which I was to fill if I had a fever, and asked me to get some non-prescription anti-histamine. Quite the letdown from the pronouncement of the triage nurse who said that I might have to have IV antibiotics because it looked infected.

So, right now, almost 20 hours after 50mg of diphenhydramine, I still feel slightly woozy, certainly not the sharpest I've been, but nowhere near as bad as a hangover. The foot itches on and off, and when it does, I feel as if I almost need to claw away the skin to get relief. I'm somewhat irritable, cos of the drowsiness, and I should not walk, to ease off the pressure on the foot, so, I feel very cooped up in apartment.

The boy's cries and fussiness have not been too helpful on my mood either. :(

So, overall, don't feel so good.

As a commentor on this picture on flickr says, I guess things can only get better?

Oh and by the way, if you look carefully, you might see my right small toe bruised from the box fan falling down on it... I tripped on the cable and caused it to fall on my foot. Bad weekend, I guess.

ReNe: happy 3 months! (belated)

Books and friends all talk about the 3 month mark like it's a magical milestone; I almost expect Ryan to 'grow up' with a swirl of lights, Sims-style.

Well, the change is of course more gradual. He's feeding a little less frequently, from 10x a day to 7-8x a day. He's sleeping less during the day though he still sleeps 12 hours at night. And, most significantly, he's a lot more active. I estimate he spends about 7-8 hours awake each day and since he doesn't play by himself for too long yet, we spend a lot of time playing with him or even just holding him. He doesn't mind sitting in his rocking chair and will babble to himself or stare at some toys I pinned to a curtain, but he will only play by himself for perhaps 10, 20 minutes. He absolutely hates to lie down (on the bed) when he's awake; probably because he can't see us.

So far it's still quite exhausting. Fortunately he sleeps through the night, but he's still keeps us very busy during the day. Taking care of him is far more tiring than any (full-time) job I've ever had! He's constantly in flux, growing and upsetting whatever routine we think we would have set up every few days.

He's a lot more chatty and playful now, definitely exhibiting more of a personality, which is starting to look quite stubborn. He would babble to us, his cries sometimes take on a petulant and whiny edge when we don't seem to get whatever he's complaining about, and he smiles often. Last week, he started laughing too, particularly when we play peek-a-boo (a game I never thought I would find myself playing, but it amuses him). His needs are more complex now; he actually gets bored if he sits in one place for too long.

Sharing a laff

Sharing a laff, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

So, he's playing favourites - one day he'd respond very well to me, chatting and playing, while shunning Serene after a bad feeding session, when it was more a fight than a feed.

Then, next day, after I almost drowned him (from his perspective at least, I use the shower so there was no danger at any time), I become the villain, and he would have long talks with his mother, and refuse to face me when I am presented in front of him.

This one time, Serene's the favoured one, and for some inexplicable reason, he's smiling and laughing, causing her to respond in kind.

Cute, hur?

ReNe: monorail cat

Have you ever seen lolcats?


We have our own monorail kitteh:

ReNe: berry cool

Summer so far has been quite cool. For example, today's maximum temperature is 22C (minimum 17C), tomorrow 23C. I remember summer last year to be sweltering; of course it cannot compare to Singapore's climate, but it got relatively sweltering for Toronto. So much so that this year we decided we won't make the same mistake as last year and we bought a window air-conditioner unit.

And of course this year, summer turns out to be pretty mild. It's already the end of July and temperatures outside still feels like that of an air-conditioned room.

On another note, I find myself developing a taste for berries. Back in Singapore, I'd only ever tried (fresh) strawberries (berry jams don't count) and I wasn't impressed at all. They were usually overpriced and sour. I was convinced though that if I could try them when they're really fresh, they'd be sweet. Not so; strawberries fresh from the vine at Cameron Highlands, and in Aomori in Japan, didn't taste much better. Less sour and they smelled great, but they were not sweet.

So I had given up, thinking strawberries are meant to be somewhat tart. Then this summer, craving fresh fruits, I started buying berries (not only strawberries but blueberries and raspberries as well) and they were actually sweet! I was quite astonished. They also freeze well and taste even sweeter when frozen. And they can be quite cheap; the other day I bought 3 pints of strawberries for $2. At the start of summer, a pint was going for $2.

Perched on shoulder II

Perched on shoulder II, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

With a digital camera, it is so easy to take many many pictures, to weed out the obviously bad pictures. Then, with the last few pictures, it becomes progressively more difficult to distinguish between one photo and another, all of which look almost identical...

Anyway, I was sitting on a stack of photos, from the 'perched' series. I found some time today to do some tidying up of the image, and the result is as you see here: a relaxed baby, which, according to Serene, looks more mature than he really is, especially with his resting on his arm pose.

I don't need to go to the paediatrician today, do I?

, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Doesn't he seem to be saying just that in the picture? No, of course he is not verbally communicating yet, and there was no paediatrician appointment that day. This is just one of those photos we took when we are at that half-asleep state early in the morning when he wakes up, is happy to have slept for the last 12 or so hours, and is extremely cheerful and talkative. Once in a while, he'd even have a cry, just to wake us up. We know that's happening because once we get up, all panicked and flustered (think 120 decibel alarm clock a few inches from your ear), and pick him up, he settles down immediately and starts cooing and making baby talk conversation with us.

And so, we try to sleep earlier and wake up and play with him when he is most charming, but that's so much like jet lag, and that's hard, especially since we put him to sleep at 7-8pm, and whatever time we have after that is ours, which is precious, so we always end up sleeping past 12.

Anyway, just thought to share this cute photo... :)

Mother & son

Mother & son, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Ryan's getting bigger; last week when we were at the paediatrician, he weighed slightly over 6kg!

We agreed, yesterday while talking over a meal, that he's at the ideal balance between heavy (and therefore strong enough to hold his head up) and light (and therefore so weak that we have to be careful about his head rolling around all over the place).

But then again, what do we know? He's our first kid, and we don't have any other experience with kids.

Still, he is very nice to hold now. Can afford to be a little less careful with him as compared to 3-4 weeks ago, and still very cute and cuddly. I suppose all that fat on him helps with the latter.

Anyway, here's a picture from when we were trying to get him to sleep. He's fairly good at it: he will sleep around 7-8pm, waking up 12 hours later, all bright eyed and ready to talk to us, as we struggle to keep our eyelids open. Of course, he gets his feeds in through the night, but at up to 4 hour intervals, so we don't get overly disturbed.

This particular day, he was not as sleepy, having napped quite a bit in the day, so we were jiggling him as we walked around the apartment.

Eventually though, he fell asleep. Which means life for us begins. ;)

Kinda feel like Cinderella at the ball, if you know what I mean.

perched on shoulder

perched on shoulder, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

cute or not?

These days, he can be quite fussy, insisting to be in our arms all the time. He'd fall asleep, then, when we decide to put him down, he wakes up, realises what we're doing, and fusses all over again, and we'd then have to hold him, and jiggle him till he falls asleep. It can be quite frustrating, if not for the times like this when he coos, and presents us with his smile that would auto-magically melt our hearts and not mind carrying him for some more.

Big air!

Big air!, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Yesterday, I went out with the local Toronto Photography Meet-up Group which I might have mentioned previously. I still think they need a more catchy name, but their initials TPMG sounds quite good, like KPMG or something, but I digress.

The plan was to shoot the Harbourfront area by dusk, hopefully to get some sunset colours. The day was not promising, being quite cloudy and overcast, threatening to rain at times. Still, it managed to clear enough to let some sunlight through at about 7pm (sunset here is 9 pm; this picture was taken at 9:06). The result is as you see here. Beautiful colours.

Success!

Success!, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

He can now hold his head up. Not for too long, but perhaps momentarily. Much better than a few weeks ago when all he could do was lie flat and complain. Like I mentioned in the previous post, he is 8 weeks old today, so I guess, this is a suitable milestone of sorts?

He is growing up so fast.

Like father? or like mother?

Like father? or like mother?, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

So, what do you think? This was an earlier picture. He has definitely grown since that time. Right now, he has put on so much weight that I get a persistent backache and near carpal tunnel syndrome holding him up and using my hands to hold him close to my body - especially after a meal, he likes to be held upright and close to me, and the pressure helps him burp.

Today, he will be 8 weeks old. I suppose the more appropriate picture will be the one I'll post next...

ReNe: garbage strike, week 2...

The City of Toronto workers have been on strike for the past week. What that means is that among the various services that are disrupted (which include city childcare centers), garbage collection is one of them.

Luckily, because we're staying in an apartment building, our trash collection is not affected. However, garbage bins around the city are starting to overflow. Some parks are designated as temporary dumping sites and locals living near those parks are complaining. It is a valid concern as those sites are certain to attract pests and runoff from the trash could affect the groundwater below. Some place with a hard surface, like a carpark lot, would be a better choice I think.

So everyone's complaining, mostly about either the politicians or the unions. Given how environmentally conscious Canadians are, I wonder why the newspapers are not taking the opportunity to step up to the soapbox about reducing garbage...

Falling asleep

Falling asleep, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

As I write this, Ryan's lying on my lap, dozing off and slipping slowly into la-la land. A little while ago, he was on our bed, asleep fairly soundly after falling asleep on Serene's shoulder about 30 minutes ago. He fussed, and immediately calmed down when carried in my arms.

I dunno. We do read about it, and at least one well-meaning colleague has said something to the effect that we should stop the 'habit' of allowing him to seek comfort on our arms/shoulders/laps/whatever. The idea here is that the baby 'manipulates' the parent into getting what it wants, crying to get its demands met. The advice given by some include ignoring the kid's cries, letting the kid 'cry it out', and 'hardening one's heart' to the cries.

On our part, we think otherwise, and lean more towards the camp that think that, at least for the first six months or so, the kid has little manipulativeness, and cannot be 'spoilt' by more hugs and affection. So, the idea is that, when babies cry, they are stressed and get stressed due to their demands not being met. This raises cortisol levels in the brain, which, among other things, tend to influence the personality of the kid, making it more withdrawn and a good candidate for depression.

And we do notice a bit of that happening - just this past week, we were a little frustrated with his cries, and decided to leave him alone for a bit. The rest of the day, he was more disturbed than usual; he took longer to calm down, and he slept more lightly, waking up and fussing more easily.

Myself, I think a supportive environment initially would be better - the kid learns that there are rules which govern the working of the world, and that it has some role in this order. Of course, this is not to say that he becomes our little emperor - there will be time for independence training yet, just not now, I don't think.

ReNe: system initialization

We find it very amusing to watch Ryan sleep. He first goes into what we term, very loosely, REM sleep (we're not sure if he's actually dreaming...), where he twitches a lot. His facial expression especially, runs the gamut of grimaces, smiles, eyebrow raises; each often lasting no more than a couple of seconds. It's almost like a system initialization ("all systems check..."). He'd grunt, squeak, even yell.

Then he settles into a deeper sleep where he hardly moves, though he does startle occasionally. I've seen him bop himself in the eye when he jerks and his hand's too close to his face...

And when he moves back into that REM sleep, we know he's getting ready to wake up. Arms will flail, legs will curl and kick, shoulders will shrug; and the difference between this segment of sleep-to-awake and the awake-to-sleep REM sleep is that he'd stretch a lot as he moves to full wakefulness (and if we pick him up while he's stretching, he's not too happy.) It's terribly cute.