Ew. I just watched Jesus Camp (more like Mike started to play it even though I didn't feel like watching it...). Two words: bad memories.
I spent 10 years in a Catholic school, about 8 years in 2 churches, and I daresay I know all about the Bible and even more than I want to. Back then, I tried hard to 'believe' because everyone around me was 'believing'. Talk about peer pressure. I even tried hard to ask the existential questions (like, why am I here?) because 'everyone' was asking them, even though deep down, I couldn't be arsed.
Why am I here? Why not?
Can I accept I'm an insignificant speck in the universe? Yeah.
Does it make me feel small and unwanted? No, not really.
Who cares? Why are you forcing all these questions onto me?
Mike is against religion in an intellectual way and he can approach it dispassionately, but me, I've been so scarred that I alternate between denial and avoidance of religion, or ranting, because I've been *there*.
Watching the parts where they were chanting in tongues reminded me of a session at St Andrews Cathedral. As an Anglican church, the stereotype is that they're staid, so I supposed where they were trying to drum up more 'passion', and they held a session to 'encourage' us to speak in tongues. Now, try as I might, I couldn't. Maybe I didn't let myself go enough, probably I didn't 'feel' God enough. I'd admit I had serious doubts even back then when I was trying hard to believe about tongues; to me, it sounded like gibberish. I'm not a scholar in languages but even I knew a so-called language composed of a handful of syllables that goes on and on as if stuck on a repeat track, did not make sense. And how can every single Christian who speak in tongues all sound different, and also not understand each other?
Now, as the kids (well, teenagers to be exact; I was fourteen or so) started to speak in tongues, one by one they were allowed to leave the room. The adults continued to pray over the remaining kids, 'encouraging' them to speak in tongues as well. Then to my horror, I realized I was the last kid in the room. All of the adults (maybe 4 of them?) converged onto me, alternately praying for me in tongues and 'counseling' me in such a way as to insinuate that my belief was weak. Now, I've been in the session for 3 hours, I was starving and dehydrated and I was starting to feel more horrified by the language of tongues than inspired. I felt like I was in an exorcism, like I was in some satanic cult ritual more than anything else. Utterly desperate to get out, I *faked* it and was finally released.
Thinking back, I've never really believed, but I tried my hardest to convince myself to. How could I not, with all the guilt messages? Questioning inconsistencies (like the treatment of women in the bible) gets you shot down. I was even told to quit Judo, or at least to stop meditating, because it was satanic. As a teen, I didn't really have the confidence to rebut or to walk away even when it all sounded *wrong*.
It was child abuse. And from the show, it still is.
(Aside: there was one part in the show where the pastor was denouncing Harry Potter, and I was wondering, so what does she, or the church, think about metahumans or superheroes in general then? There were kids in the show wearing T-shirts with comic book superheroes on them... What about Superman, the alien from Krypton, the all-american hero raised in the bible belt?)
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I suppose no one can 'make' you believe really. You have to experience God for yourself. Personally I DO believe even though sometimes I'm not sure. That's what faith is really. You believe because you do and not because someone tells you or out of fear.
Don't go to church anymore. Feel like sometimes it is about playing games. However, sometimes you meet very sincere people. Having said that you can find good and bad hats out there in society too; for that matter any organization. Forget about just church, look everywhere else. Coz at the end of the day, church is just an oragnized community.
I think the essence of church as it is intended in the bible is a beautiful idea. However, why can't we just be good people on our own without having to be socialized to be caring in and through church.
Stopped wearing a cross too coz to me believeing in God and Christ is something that goes on in your head and heart and not something you wear around your neck.
Anyway, I think lots of people forget that religion should really be something very personal that is part of who you are. You can also be doggedly aetheist as well.
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