ReNe: system initialization

We find it very amusing to watch Ryan sleep. He first goes into what we term, very loosely, REM sleep (we're not sure if he's actually dreaming...), where he twitches a lot. His facial expression especially, runs the gamut of grimaces, smiles, eyebrow raises; each often lasting no more than a couple of seconds. It's almost like a system initialization ("all systems check..."). He'd grunt, squeak, even yell.

Then he settles into a deeper sleep where he hardly moves, though he does startle occasionally. I've seen him bop himself in the eye when he jerks and his hand's too close to his face...

And when he moves back into that REM sleep, we know he's getting ready to wake up. Arms will flail, legs will curl and kick, shoulders will shrug; and the difference between this segment of sleep-to-awake and the awake-to-sleep REM sleep is that he'd stretch a lot as he moves to full wakefulness (and if we pick him up while he's stretching, he's not too happy.) It's terribly cute.

ReNe: funniest expression

After my shower yesterday, I came out to see Ryan strapped to Mike -- Ryan was being fussy and constantly wanted to be carried, and Mike had chores to do. Ryan's expression was so funny I immediately burst out laughing and reached for the camera....

He looks disgruntled and confused, as if while he's technically being carried, it's not quite what he imagined...

MiKE: Juggling work and family

Juggling work and family, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Right now, Ryan has just passed the 1 month mark. This figure is somehow special; in Chinese culture, which I cannot claim to be an expert in, a celebration is held during the end of the first month of the child's life. Some other cultures will only give a name to the child at the end of the first month. I suppose, this has traditionally been due to the high infant mortality rate within the first month.

Ryan has definitely grown. Obvious signs include the fact that his arms now fit in his shirtsleeves properly; he is learning to kick quite strongly, and his head is less deformed. We think we settle into some routine, and manage to have a little more time for ourselves, then he will throw a spanner in the works. This last week, for example, he has been starting to need less sleep in the afternoons, and be fussy in the evenings. We'd try all sorts of things to distract and entertain him, but he is often not amused, and ends up crying. I suppose, to a large extent, things will get better, and I can't wait for that to happen.

Back to the picture - Serene was frustrated having to walk out of the room to get him and console him, that eventually, she decided to leave him on the change mat, right beside her as she worked. Somehow, this worked; seemed like all he wanted was to be close to his parents.

I came back from the office to find them together, and knew I just had to take this picture...

ReNe: ready to share

As Mike said, one reason for our lack of activity on this blog has been, and still is, Ryan. He turned three weeks yesterday and it's surprising how such a tiny newborn can run two adults utterly ragged. Two adults who currently have no other responsibilities other than to take care of him, no less -- I'm on maternity leave and Mike's taking a short break from his studies for a couple of weeks.

I said, one reason. When I was expecting, for various reasons I didn't feel like shouting out to the world that I was pregnant. Partly it was paranoia -- what if something went wrong? Partly it was because it was our delicious little secret, at least for a while. And, some things we just prefer to keep private; our thoughts and feelings. I had a lot of my mind when I was pregnant -- in addition to the planning and worrying about the future, there were also a lot of reminiscing about the past (to our childhoods) -- and these thoughts weren't something I was prepared to share with all and sundry.

Of course there are many other aspects I'd love to share, especially since Ryan's absolutely adorable. I guess I'll be posting more in the future!

MiKE: Yaaaaawwwwnnnnn

Yaaaaawwwwnnnnn, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Introducing.... Ryan!

Our new addition has us in the state as in the photo for quite some time now, which would explain the lack of updates these last few days, weeks.

As of today, he is one week old. Cute baby, happy most times, until he starts fussing. Fortunately, the latter times do not exceed the former, and his cute mannerisms and facial expressions make all those times when we labour to satisfy his needs all worth it.

the view down Yonge street

the view down Yonge street, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Yonge street, one of the busiest streets in downtown Toronto, and the main street that divides Toronto streets into their eastern and western halves (Yonge runs north-south).

Vieux-Montréal

Vieux-Montréal, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

long time no update. Here's a picture from a recent (last week) trip to Montréal.

She...

, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

She
May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She
She, oh she

ReNe: blackout

We had a minor blackout two nights ago, which lasted approximately three hours.

On one hand, it was a little shocking because this is the first blackout we've ever experienced. Even in Singapore, where blackouts, though rare, do occur, we had never actually experienced a blackout. What usually happened was that the power in our flat tripped and it was a simple matter of resetting the breaker. Blackouts do occur occasionally in Toronto, usually during the hottest and coldest times of the year. The last blackout that was reported in the newspaper occurred sometime in January, when the temperature fell below -20C that night.

On the other hand, it was very fortunate that this was a pretty minor blackout (hardly worth a mention in the newspaper), though it was inconvenient. Looking out, we realized that it was just a block-wide blackout; the buildings on the south side of our street still had power. The temperature that night was quite mild, around zero, so we weren't danger of freezing yet. We were going to bathe (now that would have been a disaster; no hot water while bathing in winter?!), but as usual we were procrastinating. Also luckily, there was half an hour till the Athletic Centre (less than five minutes from our apartment) closed so we hurried down for a quick shower. Later back at home, with the power still out, we had nothing to do but go to sleep early for a change.

Thinking back, we realized that we didn't even know where to go if there really was a serious blackout and the temperature outside was more extreme. That is rather pathetic.

... sat on the wall

... sat on the wall, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Long time no blog.

Been busy. Moving, paper deadlines, comprehensive exams.

Stressful. But a good kind of stress, if that is possible.

Anyway, have to take some time to take pictures.

Hope you like this one. :)

MiKE: Don't be yourself / Let them eat cake

Don't be yourself / Let them eat cake, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Found at one of residences at the UofT.

MiKE: Why winter sucks

Why winter sucks, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

this is not to say that winter sucks, with no possibility of redemption. It is definitely a season that makes one appreciate the heat and humidity of summer, and having seasons makes one more aware of the passing of time.

But winter also brings along with it snow, and when snow melts and the temperature drops, and the water re-freezes, there will be ice. Ice that crunches underfoot is quite fun to step on, much akin to popping those foam packing bubbles. But when it is semi-frozen, and slushy, it can be a very slippery coating over the pavements that we walk on. Worst of all is the ice that is so dirty and so packed in that it looks like part of the pavement, but most definitely does not feel like it. I've slipped on the ice three times in the last week, twice yesterday alone. Which sucks.

So, here's a picture of why winter sucks, or rather, why winter can suck.

ReNe: south-east asia nostalgia

We were watching an episode of Top Gear, where the three hosts were sent to Vietnam, bought a motorbike (each) and rode from the south (Ho Chin Minh City) to the north (Ha Long Bay).

I was struck by a feeling of nostalgia. Typically, the challenges on Top Gear features a car race in a European county -- something rather foreign to me, as I can't drive and I haven't much familiarity with Europe. However, this show was shot in a Southeast Asian country, during the monsoon season, on motorbikes.

I miss it. As they complain about the heat and humidity, I can almost feel it. Though Singapore does not have highlands, the scenes of the misty mountains in the dusk remind me of many places in Southeast Asia -- evenings are my favorite time in Southeast Asia, cool and alive. (In contrast, evenings in Canada are mostly *cold*.) I even miss the heavy rains. I also wish I had a motorbike again.

I guess this is a particularly bad time to be watching such a show, as it's flurrying heavily outside in -10C temperatures.

MiKE: Toronto Islands in Winter

We went to the Toronto Islands last Saturday with the local photography group. Somehow, we actually missed the ferry that brought the group over, but fortunately met up with one other person who was as late as us. The Toronto Islands is like Singapore's Sentosa island, except this place is not as built up, and the place almost literally shuts down in winter. We walked around the few houses where some of the locals stayed at, and generally took pictures as we got progressively colder and tired. Nothing much more to say about it though. Just a pretty place for pictures where they don't clear the snow that much and there is less human traffic, so the snow is somewhat more pristine. Here are some pictures:

Berries! Still not frozen or shrivelled up even in that temperature

The CN Tower framed by trees around sunset. I like this picture; we were walking along to the ferry terminal on our way off the island, and I just happened to look to my left and saw this. It was easy to miss, since we were a little tired, and it was easier to have a tunnel vision like forward gaze.

And the best picture, in my opinion at least. The lake was pretty icy, with chips and blocks floating in the water. It was interesting to hear the ferry make its way through the water, kind of like how you would expect it to sound if you stir an icy drink with a straw, only MUCH louder.

Oh, the full set is available here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mike-tan/sets/72157612135953066/show/

MiKE: Playing

Playing, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

f/1.4 and slightly cheesy, overused PS technique. Background is distracting, I know.

MiKE: Static Face, selective colour

Static Face, selective colour, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Same picture as the previous day, except with some image manipulation.

MiKE: Static Face

Static Face, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

Boxing Day was crazy. Crowds everywhere, even on icy sidewalks with snow banks that reduced the amount of walkable space by up to half in some places.

In shopping malls, people were thronging the aisles, looking for good bargains; and to be honest, there were really good bargains to be had. Not 30% markup pre-season before 25% boxing day sale kind of trick. Or at least I think so. I don't really know because I don't keep track.

Anyway, at Eaton Centre, a major mall downtown, the escalators were full of people on their way to support the economy. Interestingly enough, this one face appeared to be still.

MiKE: Couple shot!

handheld self portrait, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

We like to take photos of ourselves like this once in a while, and found that 35mm film equivalent focal length of 28mm really enables us to take a good picture of ourselves, and include enough of the background to give some context. It would be nice to be able to have a camera like the Ricoh GR-1V again, actually. Except for that fact that it shoots film, which, though makes for beautiful colour rendition, grain and dynamic range, is a pain to process, and would take up too much physical space during a vacation for the number of pictures taken.And I know Ricoh has a digital version of the GR-1; don't get me started on how pointless small sensor P&S cameras can be. But I digress...

This picture was taken with a 50mm equivalent, at handheld distance, which makes for very little background. I cropped it slightly to balance the picture. I like the result. Better focus on the subject foreground, and no distractions. What do you think?

MiKE: I get it, I think.

So, I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I have been very distracted from work. I am supposed to be completing my comprehensive examinations any time now, the exams which confirm my candidature for the PhD. I have two paper proposals which have been accepted for conferences in April next year (which means submission deadlines sometime in March), and three professors want to write papers with me, or want me to submit a single authored paper. I've not finished the comprehensives, and needless to say, I've not started on any of those papers yet.

And all I've been doing is obsessing over photography. Of course, you'd noticed that the recent posts about my fascination with large aperture lenses, but I bet you probably don't know I've taken over 6100 photographs since I got my camera in September. Sure, the vast majority of the shots have been the "just in case" kind of duplicates, adjusting the aperture/focal length, and general messing around. Also, the dSLR makes taking pictures really easy - with such rapid responses rates, it is not hard at all to fire off 3-4 shots in about 2 seconds. But still, there's something not really right here. And I think I know what's wrong.

Part of what drives me, what makes me want to be an academic and write and be a scholar and all that, deep down inside, is a desire to want to change the world, because of injustice, unfairness, stupidity, political machination and other such ethical moral and social injustice that I experience personally, or through close friends and family. I believe education can be one very powerful way out of situations of oppression and unfreedom, seeing my own personal example as a very strong example. If I had not gone to school and did well, if my parents had not forbidden my association with the neighbourhood kids and strongly encouraged (to put it mildly) me to study, I probably would not have been where I am now, in relative luxury to contemplate these matters in such a theoretical way.

And now, since I've been in Toronto, I've been in this neither-here-nor-there situation. I've stopped reading the singaporean blogs, because I've stopped caring. It seems to be some place far away, like reading about the Mumbai terrorist attacks. Yes, I know the town council funds have been mis-invested and all that, but, really, do I care? Does it concern me, here, now? Besides, I am so far away, and have no sense of being able to do anything about it.

On the other hand, I've not been integrated into this local community yet. There is a strong activist culture here, to be sure, much stronger civil society presence, and a somewhat more democratic government, but, once again, things here are happening to others, not people I know, not to me (well, ok, some of it is), and as a 'guest', I feel as if there is little I am qualified to do. To top it off, I know little of the political histories and struggles of this place, and how the battle lines are drawn, so to speak, so I am wary of suggesting anything.

And all these is affecting me. As I live in this place as a guest, and isolated from the stupidity and outrage at both places, I am feeling as if what I am doing is highly synthetic, and at points ethically wrong, or at least, hypocritical. And that is giving me pause.

I want to get angry. I want to get connected. Outraged, worked up, and activist. I need to know what I am doing is actually connected to some real action in the world. I want to know that I am changing the world, not just for my selfish ends, but also for others.

Do I sound like over-idelistic and naïve yet?

MiKE: Queen's Park shadow

Queen's Park shadow, originally uploaded by mike.tan.

It snowed last night, about 9 cm downtown in Toronto. More storms are expected on Friday and Sunday, with temperatures not exceeding -6. So, I guess this probably means we'll be having a white Christmas?